You can't spell "Valentine's Day" without V.D.

WARNING: This post is extremely negative. Perhaps even depressing. It's basically me feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my sorrow. You have been warned. Proceed with caution.

What a miserable piece of shit holiday.

Don't get me wrong. Would I have had someone to spend it with, I'd love the day. With my willingness to go all out and my spontaneous romantic creativity (yes, I have it, just no one to use it on), I would rock the shit out of Valentine's Day.

And ladies, you know this!

But alas, I have no significant other. Hell, I don't even have an insignificant other. So, in a word, this day flat out sucks.

When I got off work, I was feeling rather melancholy so I thought I'd treat myself to some sushi and sake. (Spicy tuna rolls and salmon with cream cheese rolls, if you must know.) For the twenty minutes or so I partook in this delicious meal, I was feeling fairly content. That I realized I was alone eating sushi and drinking an entire bottle of sake. I never drink alone. Hell, I hardly drink period. But to finish off an entire bottle of ice-cold sake by myself is just plain dispiriting.

Know what else is depressing? My life just became a once-funny-now-oddly-bleak movie quote. Remember in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" when the character Frank says "The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother. How pathetic is that?"?

Well, the only thing I got for Valentine's was a card and candied apple from my mom. It's really sweet and I love her for it. But it sucks because it's the only thing I got.

If that wasn't bad enough, I think I nailed the trifecta today of women kicking me in the proverbial balls:

1. A total stranger at work asked me what I'm doing for Valentine's Day tonight. I told her nothing. She wondered why and I told her I didn't have a Valentine. So she tells me that I am handsome and very kind, which gives me a big smile. Then she seriously asks me "So what's wrong with you?" Nice lady. Really friggin' nice.

2. An ex-girlfriend brought up an amazing Valentine's we had together back in the day. As if that's supposed to help?

3. Someone gave me the classic, eternally dejecting line of "We should just be friends." I wonder why Hallmark hasn't come out with a card that reads that. Seems like it'd be a huge seller. Regardless of your intentions, it's a line you never want to hear. I basically means "There's at least one thing glaringly wrong with you or else I'd like a deeper relationship." Now there has Shoebox Greetings written all over it!

Now given incidents 1 and 3, I'm now wondering . . . What exactly is wrong with me?

I honestly hope all of you who did spend Valentine's Day with a loved one had a great time. (By the way, all of you who responded to my mass text message, thanks. You lifted my spirits. And I love you all for it.)

Site Tracking

I love checking my ShinyStat site tracker reports everyday...it shows how many visits I'm getting, projections for the week/month/year, what websites are linking to me, what countries I'm getting visits from, and my favorite report: which keywords people use to find my blog.

Just in February, people stumbled upon The Year of Joe by the following interesting, funny, and down-right odd website searches (click on phrase to see why my blog was attached to those keywords):

"lay off me, I'm starving"

Actually, The Year of Joe has been found three times because of this famous Chris Farley bit! In addition, a search of "lay off man im starving" brought someone to here as well. What's really weird is the original post linked to above talked about interesting ShinyStat findings just like today's post! Cue Twilight Zone music...

"adam g. partridge facebook"

Adam, you either are quite vain and searched yourself AND didn't tell us you had a Facebook page or someone is trying to hunt you down.

"you got served raindance"

I'm glad someone else thought that scene was ridiculous (or so I hope.) Oh, and I could look at that Sarah Silverman photo all day long. Sigh...

"bill belichick sweatshirt"

The Google search of "bill belichick sweatshirt" has to be up there with classics like "paris hilton sextape", "dick in a box" and of course, "adam g. partridge facebook".

"jelly of the month club"

Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

"q.lazzarus +goodbye horses"

I can only imagine what that person thought when they came across my post.

"shit valentines"

Yippee, my favorite holiday is right around the corner! Seriously, I'd like to reprint what I originally posted:

Don't get me wrong. Would I have had someone to spend it with, I'd love the day. With my willingness to go all out and my spontaneous romantic creativity (yes, I have it, just no one to use it on), I would rock the shit out of Valentine's Day.

And ladies, you know this!

I'm def gonna have sushi again though, that's for damn sure.

"rolling stones dvd bootlegs blogspot"

Odd, but I recently put up that post so maybe that's why it got picked up.

"evangeline lilly woman of style"

Yes, yes she is. By the way, how freakin' awesome was the Lost season premiere last week? By the way #2, in the post linked above, I did a "favorite things" list. I was actually planning on doing another list this week. Cue Twilight Zone music...again.

"i will never forgive you for making us move to oakland"
This was a head-scratcher for sure. But I did the search myself and discovered I had posted that joke back in this blog's infancy. Must be a pretty popular joke for someone to Google search the punchline.

Best Of

With a lot of Facebook friends unaware of the blog and asking to read what will (hopefully) potentially become a published book, I've decided to go into the Year of Joe archives and repost (in chronological order) some of the more popular stories from my crazy lil' life.

Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Happy New Year! (also known as Post #1) (1.01.2007)
The post that started it all.

The Year of Joe (1.04.2007)
Why I started the blog.

Great White Hype (2.02.2007)
The kind of rants I've become accustom to.

Things I Love (2.13.2007)
Looking back, I gotta say I still love each and everyone of them. Maybe "holding hands" less so, but that's just me being Bitter McBitterson.

You Can't Spell "Valentine's Day" without V.D. (2.14.2007)
Man, I am bitter! Of course, by the time you finish reading the excerpts of my life, you'll clearly see why.

The Year of Joe continues! (1.02.2008)
The first of two blogging hiatuses, I catch my readers up on the previous eight months.

A Nickname Timeline (1.28.2008)
The nicknames I've acquired during my lifetime are a little insight into why I am the way I am.

The Void of Not Knowing How (1.29.2008)
I get serious in this post in light of my Grandma being sick. She soon passed on and it changed me as a person, both in respect to my value of family as well as my path towards finding God. Clearly not your typical The Year of Joe kind of post.

29 Dimensions of Compatibility, My Ass! (2.12.2008)
The first eHarmony post! This experienced what I like to call the "eHarmony Chronicles," which gave me waaaay too much material to blog about. These are the experiences that most likely led to my book deal about being an unlucky bachelor.

Save The Date! (2.19.2008)
Just over seven years til I'm married, ladies!

Monday Night Raw (2.25.2008)
This was one of the most fun posts I've ever had the chance to write. A subsequent post should be read as well.

6% success.....or is it 94% failure? (2.29.2008)
I really shoulda got out while I could...

Mr. Strangelove (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love eHarmony) (3.06.08)
If there is one post to read (well, make that "one series of posts to read"), make it this one. This is the start of the great eHarmony-match-turned-Nigerian-scam. No, really, I'm serious. You won't believe it until you read it (all.) After you read the first post, follow the ten-part series. Read all ten posts, you won't be disappointed, I promise!
Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX and finally Part X.

iPod is Dead and The Call From Hell (3.21.08)
The phone call with an eHarmony match at the end of this post is possibly most readers' favorite The Year of Joe moment ever.

The word of the day is... (3.23.2008)
Maybe my standards are too high and I'm doomed for the single life forever?

Ill Communication (4.09.2008)
Another phone call gone awry.

Date #2: Obama Drama and No Reach-Around (4.17.2008)
How Obama screwed my date up. Another failed date post. I dated some real winners, like the girl who suddenly grew a boyfriend, the horrible liar, the girl who never called back, the gal who smelled like cheese, the birthday girl who thought I was someone else, and, of course, the homeless chick. It's all real people...really messed up this happens to me!

I Love It When You Call Me Big Poppa... (7.08.2008)
The blog address used to be on my Facebook profile and when the ex and I connected on Facebook, she came across the blog. She read it without my knowledge and loved my writing! I think it was my writing, sense of humor and, in particular, this post that I think caused my ex to take interest in me before we started dating. The post still holds true and it's very painful that I'm not any closer to that dream.

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Well, there they are peeps. It's a lot to read through but c'mon, I'm a great writer and the material is gold! Hope you laughed and are hungry for more material!