Out of Africa?

Well, sleep on it I did.

I woke up to the sound of Three 6 Mafia blasting from my phone (hey, don't judge me...it's just an alarm ringtone!) at 4:15 AM so I can get ready for the gym before work. I hit the snooze for five more minutes and tossed the BlackBerry across the room (which is a great practice, as it forces me to get up the next time the alarm goes off.) However, out the corner of my eye, I see my phone blinking red, meaning one of three things: 1) I have an email, 2) I have a text message, or 3) somehow my BlackBerry has been possessed by K.I.T.T. from 'Knight Rider'.

So instead of going back to sleep and the dream I was having of me, Betty White and a kiddie pool full of tapioca, I make my way across the room (about 5 feet) and check my phone. Sure enough, sometime in the middle of the night, I received an email. 2:18 AM to be exact. And who do you think it was from?

You guessed it!

And how stoked do you think I got when I saw the email subject said "My Flight Information"?!

Honey here below is my Flight Information...

Lagos (Nigeria) to Los Angeles (USA)
Departing 11 March 2008.
Connecting Flights

Flight: AF 855
Airline: Air France
Depart: Lagos
Terminal: International
Departure Time: 23:40, Tuesday 11 March 2008
Arrive: Paris Charles de Gaulle Apt
Terminal: Aerogare 2 Term F
Arrival Time: 06:00, Wednesday 12 March 2008
Stops: Non-Stop
Travel Time: 6hrs 20mins
Aircraft: 332 (Airbus Industrie A330-200)
Classes offered: Business Economy
---- Connecting to ----
Flight: DL 8510
Airline: Delta Air Lines
Operated by: Air France
Depart: Paris Charles de Gaulle Apt
Terminal: Aerogare 2 Term E
Departure Time: 10:15, Wednesday 12 March 2008
Arrive: Los Angeles International Apt
Terminal: Terminal 2
Arrival Time: 13:50, Wednesday 12 March 2008
Stops: Non-Stop
Travel Time: 11hrs 35mins
Aircraft: 77W (Boeing 777-300ER Passenger)
Classes offered: Business Economy

Total Travel Time 22hrs 10mins

Let me know what your plans are like , I will be very excited to see you coming to pick me up.

Your Queen.

Hmmm, Wednesday at 2 o'clock? This isn't going to be easy. I've got a regional awards dinner that night (we won "Maintenance Team of the Year" and "Sales Team of the Year") until about 8 PM, which puts me at LAX 10 PM at the earliest. This is gonna be tough but hey, I'm crazy 'bout this girl!

Linds (can I call you Linds?),

Looks like you'll touchdown at LAX around 2 on Wednesday...I want to meet you soooo bad and I so want to be there for you when your plane arrives, but I work until 4 or so on Wednesday then I have a work event that evening. Being in San Diego, I wouldn't make it to LAX until probably 10:00 PM at the earliest...

Got any ideas?

Your boo,


Later that day, I can't help but wonder how Lindsay is going to get home from the airport. She hasn't written me back yet but I know how busy she probably is selling sculptures, beads, gold, etc. so I'll try her again.

Candy Cain,

Where you at girl? I can't wait to see you but you haven't responded back to my email. Maybe it's the time difference, I dunno.

Anyway, I have a few ideas, let me know what works best for you:

1) I can pick you up around 10:30 or so. I know you fly in earlier, but my idea is between you arriving in LA and me showing up, you can check out the buffet at the Century Theater, the titty bar just down the street from LAX. (You can't miss the "Nudes! Nudes! Nudes!" neon sign out in front.) I've heard their chicken parm is the best strip club chicken parm in the city!

2) You could change your flight to San Diego. Check out Air Senegal Flight 733...I think that's your best bet. If you take that one, I'll pick you up and heck, you could even stay with me!

3) Now this sounds crazy, but I have some vacation days saved up. How about I fly to Nigeria to see you! Then we could fly back together! What other way to spend 22 hours in the air then get to know your future mate?

Which option makes the most sense. I miss your scent.

Big Joe

P.S. Be careful over there! I've heard Nigeria is full of scam artists. Don't give money to anyone you don't know!

Which door would you choose?


Kory said...

I choose 4) Gone like a fart in a hurricane, never to be heard from again. Sorry, Joe there has to be another African bong collecting, bead sellin, crazy woman out there that is truly yours.

xveganx said...

You are the reason why Americans are not getting enough sleep! If you wake up at 4 am for the gym and them have work activities until 8pm I don't feel a 2 hour drive from SD to LA would be safe. Since she is rich from her parent’s inheritance, tell her to thumb a cab down to SD to see you! Maybe she can be your date for the awards tonight!

Adam G Partridge said...

"I miss your scent." LOL!

Conrad said...

How come this broad can get 3 emails a day, but I can't get a call back regarding something serious?

Danielle said...

I think maybe at this point, Lindsey is possibly catching a hint of sarcasm in your emails...but then again, maybe not.
If I were her I would definitely have to choose option # 1 and try the best strip club chicken parm in the city. With some extra time to spare, and probably tons of money from selling pipes and pimp cups, why not? And really, what goes better with tits and a $15 coke than chicken parm???

j.h.k. said...

Amen, Conrad! How about door number "up yours" where instead of writing e-mails to a fictional person, you return the phone calls and/or e-mails of your friends? I know it doesn't make for the most entertaining blog entries, but, shit, I'll do a dance for ya if that's what it takes.

Adam G Partridge said...

Maybe he'd return your phone calls if you guys had a better rack.

j.h.k. said...

Oh I know he would.