Great White Hype

I was in line at the grocery store and noticed whitening chewing gum. Now I've known about this product but I've never used or nor have I thought much about it. Standing in what was the slowest moving line ever assembled gave me plenty of ample time to think about it.

Who the hell chews gum with their front teeth? I chew gum with my molars but I've never once said to myself "Geez, I wish my molars were whiter." Isn't it the front teeth people get bleached? Therefore you must chew the gum with your front teeth for the whitening to take place, right?

And if it's not the gum-on-teeth contact that causes the whitening, who in God's green earth is keeping that much saliva in their mouth that is allowing the whitening process to take affect?!?!

I demand answers.