3.12.2008

Nigeria, We Have A Problem

Damn, still no response from Lindsay. I hope everything's okay. Two emails in a row from me and nothing yet. It's not like her!

Oops, I spoke to soon. Before lunch, I get an email from my queen called "URGENT":

Honey i just want to let you know i am having alittle problem with the Hotel Management i am here .I am oweing the Hotel some Bills .my Passport and my other Vital document have been seized by the Hotel manager so i cant leave here without paying for the owe bills.Honey all i have here with me is my Voucher , which i have tried to exchange for cash down here , but couldnt get it exchange due to the banking system down here...

Sweetie I will be glad if you can be of help to assist me with the Hotel Bill, i promise to refund you upon my arrival .

I will be glad to read your positive respond.

Your Angel of Mercy,
Lindsay.

Biggie was right...mo' money, mo' problems. Ain't nuthin' gonna get between me and my angel of mercy:

Lindsay,

Are you serious? Why did they seize your passport? Can they do that?

Like I told you in my last email, I have several vacation days saved up...I can meet you in Nigeria and we could fly back together. That way I can help you and you and I spend the flight home getting to know each other more. You ever heard of the Mile High Club?

Your knight,

Joe

...which lead to this email, received only 20 minutes later...

Honey thanks for your love and concern , I am very sorry for bothering you with my personal problem and I really need your trust and understanding .

The hotel have my passport seized because of the bills I am oweing them, the name of the hotel is Maris Hotel & Suite , Phone number +2348029246977 Room number 121. All I am oweing the hotel is $650 . the easiest way you can get this accros to me is via Western Union . I will appreciate anything you can spare me.

Let me know the information you will need to get the money sent.
I Miss You,
Your Princess.

Hey, I've got an idea!

Lindsay,

$650? That's it? No problem! Well, one problem...the whole Western Union thing is going to take some time. I'm stuck at work all day then I need to spend some time working on my fantasy baseball spreadsheets...my draft is this weekend. Wanna go?

Anyway, I'm at my computer a lot at work so I have a great idea...send me your bank account number and PIN and I'll transfer the money from my bank to yours! In case they ask for it, you might as well give me your social security card number too.

I'll be waiting for this information. As soon as I get it, I'll wire the money and you'll be home free!

Joe

PS Of course, I'll be charging you 3% interest for the money while you pay me back. Don't worry, once we're married, it'll be "our" money anyway!

So here I sit, just waiting for that bank info...

8 comments:

Becky said...

and I had such high hopes for you and Lindsay.

Patrick Diaz said...

$650...she obviously didnt know u hav way more...lol

Adam G Partridge said...

Dude, I TOTALLY saw that coming.
You are really making the sweaty, balding and old European guy running this scam work hard for his money.

j.h.k. said...

Finally we get to the scam! You think it's a European guy? My money is on Asian.

Danielle said...

I just received this yesterday, and I thought it was so fitting. Since I am such a sap for the weepy romantic love story I have been tuning in for, I am donating my winnings to Lindsay in hopes that the two of you have a glorious wedding! And how ironic these people are already in Nigeria...

SENATE COMMITTEE ON APPROPRIATION
AND FINANCE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.
NATIONAL ASSEMBLY COMPLEX
THREE ARMS ZONE P.M.B 141
ABUJA NIGERIA

ATTENTION: HONOURABLE BENEFICIARY THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT /INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FUFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR. PRESIDENT,CHIEF MUSA YARADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD,
BUT THE MAXIMUM IS ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS
PER DAY. SO IF YOU LIKETO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY, PLEASE LET
US KNOW BY CONTACTINGTHE ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE
FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

1. FULL NAME
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
3. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD TO(P.O BOX NOT
ACCEPTABLE)
4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION

HOWEVER, KINDLY FIND BELOW THE CONTACT PERSON: DR. EZE AYOGU, ATM
PAYMENT DEPARTMENT EMAIL: atm_releasedept1@hotmail.com THE ATM CARD
PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $5,500,000.00 AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2008.

ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMINUCATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT. EMAIL ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR FURTHER DIRECTION AND ALSO UPDATE ME ON ANY DEVELOPMENT FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED OFFICE. NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT,WHICH IS
(ATM-0081) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

REGARDS,BARR. KINGSLEY DOMINIC
CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA

Sorry so long, but all of this information is necessary for Lindsay to collect her $5,500,000. I am sure it will be enough for her to pay that $650 she owes! And how odd that the hotel in Nigeria is looking for US dollars...oh well, heres to hoping that she gets her money quickly!

Adam G Partridge said...

I saw an NBC report on this awhile ago where, at least in that case, the scam was run by old African Europeans

Rob said...

Man I'm so glad I opted out of communications with this chick before you did. After all I am still reading the same emails in this blog that I would be getting. Oh well at least I got a few good background pictures out of the deal.

Does this stuff ever work on anybody not still living in a basement?

Monika said...

I say you try to get eHarmony to foot some of her bill.... besides, without them, you would have never met this Nigerian queen!