Carless: Day 41

So I got a call from the auto body/collision care center where the Joe-Kart is currently receiving care. (Again, I can't stress enough that said chop shop collision care center isn't the Penske Automotive Collision Center located at 7860 Balboa Avenue in San Diego. Most definitely not them...)

The guy I've been working with there, Paul, or as his business card states "Customer Care Representative" -- I'm guessing on Paul's resume you'll also find "Guest Liaison (Guantanamo Bay)" and "Medical Assistant, Colonoscopy Division" -- called me to update me on The Great Honda Resurrection of 2008:

"Yo, Joe, what's up bro? It's Paul from Penske."

(I ain't your bro, bro.) "Oh, hey...what's wrong now?"

(laughs) "Nah, man, just wanted to update you on your car."

"Fire away."

"So we are all done painting."

(What, a replica of the fucking Sistine Chapel on my hood?) "Okay...so I can pick it up?"

"No, now we need to re-assemble. It's a lot of work and we're busy but it should be done pretty soon."

"So tomorrow?"

(laughs) "No, no, no...at least a few more days."

"You do realize that you've had my car for well over a month, right?"

"Yeah man, I apologize about that. I call you when it's ready to pick up, okay bro?"

"I ain't your bro, bro. (Wait did I really just say that instead of my inner-monologue?) But, whatever. Just hurry up."


I swear to the Lord above there better be one of four results when this is all said and done:

1) Ashton Kutcher/Jamie Kennedy/OJ Simpson and an army of cameramen better pop out of my truck and tell me that I've been Punk'd/X'd/Juiced.

2) My ride's officially been pimped (complete with Xhibit popping my collar.) Seriously, I can't wait to see the astroturf-lined floor board complete with mini-golf flag stick, a six-speed blender that takes up my passenger seat and the 40 12" televison screens installed in every nook and cranny of my Accord.

3) They tell me "Man, we couldn't salvage your car. Please take this as a consolation."

4) I wake up and realize the accident never happened and gas is $1.79 per gallon.


Kory said...

Joe, go get your damn car! Tow it away if you have too. This is bullshit! Call the Better Business Bureau and DONT pay for more than half of what they originally quoted you. This oppression will not stand, Man!!

Conrad said...

Way to get nasty with the guys who are fixing your car. I'm sure they have no idea how to fuck up someone's car without them knowing until they crash a month later. No, they definitely wouldn't know how to do that.
"Does that look like spit to you?"

Anonymous said...

Mazzaretti? Don't those things get like eight miles to a gallon? Gas better be $1.798. Joe dreamland should include the Maz hybrid, then you would be set. Car repairs suck, hope you get the baby back soon. Although some blogs about people you meet on the bus would be interesting.

Conrad said...

How appropriate that the title of your last post is careless.

Conrad said...

Last time you were this silent, you went on a bender and woke up in beds with chicks. Here's to hoping you never blog again!