"One and done, man."

Now I honestly don't want to sound like my life is the sequel to Swingers, but I do have a rule when it comes to the opposite sex, sorta like Trent and Sue's "six day rule." "What is this rule, Joe?" you ask...I call it the "one and done rule" in regards to calling women. Call her. Talk, leave a message, whatever. If she's truly interested -- and I mean truly interested -- she'll eventually call back. No need to call again, right? I know people will think this is absolutely ridiculous, but I'm passive-aggressive and non-confrontational by nature, so that one attempt at contact is enough for me. If that's a major stumbling block for my relationship growth, so be it...I can't really change who I am. I mea n, I knew a guy who called a girl so much that she seriously was forced to change her number. That just ain't me.

So this little background information leads me to last week, when I called a girl whose digits were given to me by a mutual friend. I called her, actually spoke to her but she asked me to call her later that night. So I did (there's the "one call") but she never called me back. Henceforth, I was done. Other than some brief self-loathing, the thought of her very existence was eventually wiped from the portion of my brain responsible for remembering random women who don't call me back. You know, kinda like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Last night, this said-mutual friend called me to find out how it all went down.

"Oh, it went down, alright. I called and she never called back."

"So you aren't going to call her again?"

"One and done, man. No offense, it's just a rule I have."

"Joe, why do I bother helping if you aren't going to call her?"

"Um, I did call her! She's the one that didn't call!"

"She likes the pursuit."

"Dude, I'm not Dog the Bounty Hunter. I don't chase people. I don't have the time nor the patience nor the game to do that shit."

"Maybe she never got the message, did you ever think of that?"

"I know she got the message."

"And how do you know this?"

"Well, when was the last time you spoke to her?"


"And did you ask her if I called?"


(If you are laughing right, don't feel bad. So was I at this point of the conversation.)

"Looks like my job here is done. Alright man, "Saved By The Bell" is on and I've only seen this episode 130 times. Gotta go!"

We hung up and then A.C. Slater made me laugh.


Adam G Partridge said...

Before you started this blog, your woman situation really perplexed me; you are smart, good looking, sensitive, hilarious, and on and on, so why couldn't you get a girl?
Now I know.
You have absolutely no game.
Seriously, get over yourself dude. Call the girl back.
I don't know if you know this about me, but Myisha didn't go out with me the first time I asked her out. In fact, she didn't go out with me for a whole YEAR. But I kept at it; calls, stopping by her house, hanging out with her family when she wasn't around. It wasn't everyday or even every week, but it was enough to let her know that I was around and that I was interested in her. And then finally, again after a year, she finally went out with me. The rest is history.
I think you'll find that making a call ratio of 1 to 1 is stupid, counter productive and against your own interest.
If the first rule I laid down in this blog's comment section is true (Girls don't like being put on hold for any reason, especially the first time you're talking with them and especially for work "emergencies"), then here is a second rule that is equally true: Girls liked to be wooed, and sometimes that means calling them back more times than they call you back.
What do you have to lose, except another opportunity? You can tivo Saved by the Bell if that's really important to you.
And lastly, for someone who places a premium on returning phone calls from girls you've never met, what does that say about you, who virtually never answers nor returns your friends phone calls? If we're looking at the ratio of how many times I've called you with you subsequently returning my call in the last year or two, it's got to be upwards to about 30 calls from me for every 1 time you return my call.
Practice what you preach, why don't you?

Adam G Partridge said...

And yes, I know, you returned my last phone call, but that was like the first time in two years.

Josh said...

I fall somewhere in the middle here. I agree with the sentiment of the "one and done". This is before the first date and you know nothing about the girl (except for whatever your friend says. The pursuit hasn't even begun before you talk face-to-face with her.

At the same time, the point of dating is not for a girl to convince a guy to like her...it is more or less a given that he does if he is trying to date her. The point is to convince the girl you are worth her time, and then that she should like you. I have my own similar (but less time-consuming) story about how I got my girlfriend to date me...it took considerable time and effort. I would say that you should try calling her one more time within a week (maybe she checked her message late and then forgot to call when the hour was reasonable). After that, it is completely up to her.

Anonymous said...

Maybe she lost your number... and doesn't have caller ID... and doesn't have the wherewithal to call your mutual friend to get the number because it too is trapped in that archaic phone of hers. Oh oh, maybe she didn't call because she had to wash her hair. Hmm... I can't think of any reasons I haven't called a guy back. Other than "I have a boyfriend", no matter how true it might be. But then when I see that guy again, after not calling, I definately don't want him to bring it up... So if you ever meet this girl (while in a situation with your mutual friend), don't remind her she didn't call you back. That'll ensure she NEVER calls you.

Joe said...

Dude, Adam, I'll be the first to admit I have no game...ZERO. But why must I have game to find someone? (And the fact that it's called "game" is so fitting...I'm tired of "playing" around!)

And my "one and done" rule is only for initial calls with women...has nothing to do with friends, family or work. I take FULL responsiblity of my shittiness of not calling you guys back. I suck, I know. I owe you a hug next week, k? Hell, all four of us are going to be together...we're gonna hug it out, bitches.

Adam G Partridge said...

BUT you DO have game, you just, for whatever reason, engage in self-destructive (or at a minimum relationship destructive) behavior. You KNOW you shouldn't put girls on hold, you KNOW you should call girls back more than once, but you seem to do the opposite of what you know. Stop that.
I'm excited that you all are coming up. I'll e-mail you an itinerary next week. I'll make sure I pencil in that hug.

Anonymous said...

First of all...the pursuit thing- bullshit, you guys are the ones that do this "catch and release" shit, and game has nothing to do with it, if she is into it she isn't gonna want to play games (at least not that kind)...she will for lack of a better word be Easy!
But I am glad to see that you aren't like us girls and making up a million reasons for her "oh maybe she didn't get the message"..."maybe she lost her voice"..."maybe she is waiting until she has a lot of time to talk"..."maybe I didn't SAY to call back?"....hhhhmmmm
Also, don't worry about calling TOO much...just make sure you block your number with *67...genius!!!