Ill Communication

Don't worry, the dating streak is still going.

I was supposed to go out with a girl tonight who, as of yesterday at 8:00 PM, sounded like she wasn't going to live to see 8:05. She told me she had "that thing that's going around"...herpes? Seriously though, I only know two people who are sick (one being in Long Beach) so I really don't know what's "going around." What I do know was that she sounded like she was about to cough up a fucking ovary, forget about a lung. Over the phone, there were a few sentences she just abruptly ended with a sneeze or a cough. There might have even been a snough in there (or is it a "ceeze"?)

I told her I hoped she felt better soon and that I'd give her a call over the weekend to reschedule our first date. She was perplexed, seriously asking why in the world would I want to reschedule. I told her she sounded really sick (hell, I was starting to feel ill just talking to her over the phone) and that she wouldn't have fun, we should get together when she was feeling better.

She insisted that somehow she was going to be better by today (which, in retrospect, was kind of a nice change of pace...usually girls suddenly feel under the weather and cancel on me. This one was actually planning on suddenly getting better!) She said she's never been sick for more than a week and that this was actually Day 7 of her being sick.

Maybe, looking back now, this was a mistake but I again explained to her that I thought it would be best if we waited until maybe the weekend to meet.

That's when Robitussin turned into Robo Bitch: "What are you, some sort of germaphobe? It's not like we're gonna have sex or anything. It's just a cup of coffee."

"No sex? Well, then I see no point in meeting at all," I said in hopes that my sarcasm might ease her anger.

"EXCUSE me? You think I'm some kind of slut or something?"

"Not at all," I shot back. "You are just an inconsiderate bitch who doesn't care if she infects other people with dysentery."

Okay, okay...I didn't say that. But that's what I wanted to say! What I actually said was just the "Not at all" part, to which she responded, "That's what I thought. So what time are we meeting tomorrow?"

It was then when one of the closers at work called me and if someone is calling me at 8:45 PM from work, it can't be good and I consider it an emergency. I tell Typhoid Mary that work is calling and I have to put her on hold for a second. She says "ok" and I take the call.

Turns out it was an emergency, sorta...the guys at work couldn't get the alarm to turn off, so I had to head over to work A.S.A.P. to take care of the situation. I flip the conversation back over to Miss Sniffles but no one's there. Silence.

Maybe she hung up on me, or maybe the fever actually got the best of her while she was on hold. Either way, my evening's wide open.


Kory said...

Its probably good that you didn't go out with Typhoid Mary, it sounds to me like she has your balls in her purse already. "Thats what I thought." Where are we on the school yard?
"Yo Mama!"
"Whatchu say!?"
"Thats what I thought! I'll sock you in yo neck!"

Adam G Partridge said...

Let me drop some wisdom on you Joe because you seem completely oblivious to the following point. Look, I don't know how you kids do it anymore, but back when I was a single man, you would never put the following people on hold for another call: 1) a girl you're asking out for the first time, 2) a girl you've been out with before and are pursuing another date with, 3) your girlfriend, 4) your fiance, 5) your wife.
Basically what I'm saying is: You can call your work back if you are talking to a girl. Seriously. If the place is being robbed or is on fire, you underlings should call the police or fire department. If the cash register is short or all the rocky road ice cream is gone, it can wait five minutes. You don't have to talk into the wee hours of the morning with her, but hammer out the details about where you want to meet and where etc. (which, again, only takes a few seconds), tell her you look forward to meeting her and then call your work back.
Girls want to put on a pedestal, not treated like a second fiddle to a lame 'sorta emergency.' Even if the girl was rubbing you the wrong way, you don't prioritize your work over a potential first date. PRIORITIZE!
10 years from now, you won't remember where you worked 10 years ago, let alone what the emergency was at 8:45 pm 4/6/2008. But you may have remembered going out with a spunky sick girl who accused you of being a germaphobe.
So, in the future, as a rule of thumb, never put a girl on hold if you can help it, certainly not for some job related thing that can wait five minutes.

Joe said...

What makes you think at the time of the call I still wanted to go out with her?

If it's a women I care about, I'm talking her ear off...otherwise, a work emergency takes priority over a disastrous first-phone-call!

Adam G Partridge said...

It warms my heart to know that if you cared about her, you would let the work call go.
Just from what you wrote however, she sounded kind of spunky and I wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss her. I mean, she thought you called her a slut and still was willing to meet with you after all.
It's just with all of these similar posts of things not working out on these dates, it can be construed that there is a common theme of pressing the abort button prematurely.
But you are obviously in a better spot to judge the situation than I am.

Conrad said...

I kind of agree with Adam. What if this wasn't a disastrous phone call? Then what would you have done? Is oxymoron the word? If it's a woman you care about, you'll talk her ear off, but how will you meet a woman to get to the point of caring enough to talk her ear off if you put her on hold in the beginning and she hangs up.

Maybe you should just get a cat.

Danielle said...

Let me just start by saying, the lack of testosterone in the last few comments is sickening. Be men, put us on hold, don't call until 3 days have passed, try to touch our boobs on the first date, talk shit to us just to see how we react. Jesus, we are women, not ticking time bombs (most of us...) who would really be offended if they got put on hold for a work issue, and if the retards who work for you can't handle the situation, you need to! If the chick on the other end of the phone is "normal" she will understand. Even though she may be spunky, you shouldn't lose out due to a work situation. If you do lose out, she was probably way to high maintenance to even want to deal with. One thing I do agree with is that slut comment, if you can call her a slut, and not offend her kudos! Wait, but then again, maybe it is the truth and she knows it so she doesn't dispute it. I don't know Joe, sounds like if you do get a date (hopefully after the TB clears up) I am thinking that you aren't going to be AMAZED...but what do I know, I am just a girl.

Adam G Partridge said...

The lack of estrogen in the previous comment was surprising...I stand by my comments: MOST women, especially during the initial 'wooing' stage, want to be treated like royalty. Trust me, you don't want to date a girl who thinks it's okay for your work to take priority over her.

Danielle said...

Here is a great rule of thumb...never be surprised by a woman, expect that we can wow you no matter what!!

I guess that being realistic about work and responsibility must be a downfall of mine. But then again, I have a job that requires me to be responsible for myself and my employees.
As far as the 'wooing' stage goes, a woman can still be wooed after being placed on hold for a minute. I mean really, not knowing someone at all, you really can't make a decision about how you feel until you meet anyway. Why should you have to be on some modified behavior mode until you get to that point? Is it so you can prolong the real you from emerging??? If you would put her on hold after 6 dates, do it before the first, that way you are not changing who you are to get a damn date. If you are modifying yourself to get a date, when does this modified version of you stop and the real you begin? Is it after the 1st date, the 10th date, or are you changing completely to be with this person? If that is the case you will find yourself 10 years down the road, wishing that you would have taken that call from work on 4/6/08, because if you had you wouldn't be where you are now! Be honest, that way us women aren't surprised when we come home 5 days into marriage to you in your boxer briefs on the couch with one hand on the remote and the other comfortably resting on your , wondering where we went wrong. Obviously, treat us well while we are dating, but don't lie, you don't have to, the goal of all of this is to get to know the REAL you, not some modified version of you based on what someone told you we want to hear!!

Danielle said...

I purposely left out what your hand was resting on...I didn't really know how to say it and remain politically correct. In my revision, I wish I would have used JOHNSON as my choice description. Oh well, next time.