4.21.2008

"I Have A Boyfriend"

Well, I don't. But I did meet three different women today who told me they had boyfriends within the first five minutes of meeting them. One this morning at the gym, one at the bar at work, and one at my bank. I didn't ask a single one of them if they had boyfriends, nor was I trying to hit on any of them. (Okay, maybe that last part isn't entirely true, but I wasn't trying very hard.) These three women just felt it necessary to not-so-subtly work the existence of their boyfriends into the conversation.

The girl at the gym was on the bike next to me and told me she had just joined the Y last week. I introduced myself and told her I joined back in November. She then tells me that she joined because her boyfriend thinks her ass was getting fat. (For the record, she was not fat. She was insanely hot and her boyfriend was clearly both an idiot and a douche bag. And for the record #2, I told her that her boyfriend was indeed an idiot and that she's looked great. She smiled, thanked me, then proceeded to put her earbuds in and start pedaling away.) The woman at work complimented me on my glasses, saying "I love your glasses. They look cute on you!" I smiled and before I could even thank her, she informs me that her boyfriend used to have a pair like them too before he got laser eye surgery. The teller at my bank must have noticed me playing with my BlackBerry while she was depositing my check and asked me if I liked it. I told her I loved it and there's a reason why they call them "CrackBerries." She, naturally, goes on to tell me that she wants to buy a cell phone for her boyfriend's birthday.

I'm no stranger to the ol' "I have a boyfriend" line. I've become accustom to it and it really doesn't bother me anymore (EDIT: Well, obviously it does bother me since I've dedicated today's blog post about it!) I've gotten it plenty in my day when talking to a girl. Now I don't know this for a fact, but I'm pretty fucking sure at least half of them were lying. Hell, I even had the honor of a girl telling me she had a boyfriend when I asked her out for a second date. Apparently she was dated several people -- no shame in that -- and met some dude, dated him, and was at a stage in the relationship where she felt comfortable enough to call the man her boyfriend...all within the two days it took me to call her after our first date.

Don't get me wrong...my beef isn't entirely with these women. In most social circles, the line "I have a boyfriend" is code for "Screw off, I'm not interested." Hey, I get it. But why do women feel it necessary to tell you they have boyfriends when you're not even remotely making a move on them? Are they just so proud of having boyfriends and so in love that they want to shout it from the rafters and let the whole world know? Or do they feel like every guy -- even if he's not overtly hitting on them -- has some kind of motive, and the existence of a boyfriend, real or not, will keep us horn dogs at bay?

I wonder if these women's boyfriends are walking around telling every woman they meet that they have girlfriends. Somehow, I don't think so. In fact, I GUARANTEE somewhere right now there's a guy out there with a girlfriend. And this guy is hitting on a girl. And this girl will tell him she has a boyfriend.

And even if he's not hitting on her, she'll find a way to work it into the conversation.

6 comments:

Adam G Partridge said...

the boyfriend line shouldn't be a barrier to you. They aren't married. In fact, maybe that's why they're telling you by bringing it up ("I dating someone, but I'm not totally off the market.")
In fact, maybe next time someone tells you they have a boyfriend, you should say, "What? You're not married yet? Anyone with half a brain would propose to you in a minute. I don't know where you're going, but can you call in sick?"

Josh said...

I think that it is because women are crazy.

Alternatively, you could be putting out an "I am on the prowl" pheromone.

LbUtLer said...

I know this is crazy but, perhaps these girls really do have boyfriends (I know girls are crazy). Boyfriend one is a jerk, Joe's glasses remind girl two of boyfriend two and boyfriend three needs a cell phone upgrade. Reguardless, it is a girl thing to name drop BF's from time to time. I'm pretty sure it was not to singles bash you Joe or escape your classy come on's. (Actually girl one was fishing for that "nice ass" compliment) Joe keep your chin up, you will find her.

Anonymous said...

I would first like to say that this situation is difficult for girls...when you do have a boyfriend...you never want to say it to early and have the guy be like "I wasn't interested anyway"...but you never want to wait to long so they are like "you should have told me you have a boyfriend"...it is kinda a lose, lose situation...in any case...don't feel bad, I'm sure it was nothing personal...

ps...my disclaimer...I am pretty tipsy while I write this...

Conrad said...

And he's back! This was a good one. Pound it out dawg.

Danielle said...

Joe, I'm married.....and I'd fuck you!!