5.08.2008

What's My Thing?

So I've done a lot of walking in New York the last few days and I've done some serious people watching. Maybe my senses are heightened, maybe I'm just neurotic and the meds are wearing off, I dunno, but I've noticed a lot of people here have "things." Now it's an extreme characterization since I'm seeing these people for the first time and for a mere 0.2 seconds at that, but I like to think these people do indeed have "things." You know, a niche, a nuance..."a thing."

For instance:

*Deck of Cards Guy: This guy was doing sleight-of-hand tricks -- by himself, mind you -- on the subway. I'd like to think this guy carries a deck of cards with him wherever he goes. That deck of cards is his "thing."

*Mix-Matched Sneakers Girl

*Chew On Cigar But Don't Smoke It Man

*Fresh Boutonnière Man: There was this old man was walking down the street in a suit and a fresh blue carnation pinned to his lapel. I really like the thought that he dresses like that everyday, no matter the occassion, and gets a new flower each and every morning.

*"Fo sho, fo sho" Kid: I heard this little 11 or 12 year old kid say in his great NY accent "fo sho, fo sho" about ten times in within ten blocks of travel.

So what's my thing? And no, I'm not prepared to be "Thinks Up Random Useless Shit and Blogs About It Guy" just yet.

I've narrowed it down to two options. And before you call me out, I totally realize that it's probably damn disingenuous to self-fabricate one's "thing" for the sake of having a "thing," well, fuck off, okay?

So it's either one of the two:

1) Tic-Tac Guy: For some ungodly reason, instead of gum, I bought Tic-Tacs today and ya know what? Those winterfresh sons of bitches really came in handy! Maybe I'll stock pile a shit-load (sidenote: what's the metric conversion of one "shit-load"?) of different flavors and always carry a pack with me. That way, whenever anyone needs gum or something along those lines, I reach in my pocket and pull out the itty-bitty clear container, give it a little shake and offer my minty one-calorie services. It'd be my effort to better serve society and people would always associate the sound of a pack of Tic-Tacs with me.

2) Yo-Yo Dude: Now I absolutely understand that if I, at 29, start playing with a yo-yo, that toy ain't the only thing I'll be stuck playing with cuz no woman in her right mind is gonna want a man who is known for carrying around a yo-yo. Then again, what I've been doing now hasn't really worked either, has it? Anywho, imagine the odd looks I'd get from people if they saw me pulling off an around-the-world in the middle of a crowded bar ("That dude has a yo-yo...and he just did around-the-world! I'm buying him a shot!") or walking-the-dog at Trader Joe's ("Honey, how much Two Buck Chuck do you want and why is that guy walking his yo-yo down the organic hummus aisle?") or rocking-the-cradle at a bar mitzvah ("Oy gevalt! Ira, look at this meshuggener...he's doing tricks with a yo-yo!").

Zany, I know...but it just might be worth it.

4 comments:

Becky said...

if you're gonna be "yo yo dude" you need this, http://www.curiosityshoppeonline.com/woodyoyo.html

Joe said...

Nice...I was originally going to go with one of those light-up yo-yos, but I dig the old school wood one. Good find!

Adam G Partridge said...

Hey, seriously; can you pick me up a watch if you see some when you're out people watching? Don't spend more than $5. The one I got last year has held up pretty well, but it's on it's last legs.

teddy said...

Fresh off of your HOF visit, I think that you are ready to go yard on atleast one of your dates. Goodluck at the "sushi bar"