Jelly of the Month Club

Well, it was quite an eventful day at work.

First, we found out that our Regional Director is changing positions, leaving us with a brand new RD. Good news is that it's change and will add a new perspective to our region. Bad news is it's change and all the good rapport I had with the old RD (he was the one who hired me) is somewhat gone. Sure, he's still in the company and I can always use him as a reference and can always call him to pick his brain, but now there's someone else that I now have to impress. Not that I can't handle it. This is just the way the corporate world works.

Secondly, my GM and I found out we won't be getting our year-end bonuses. To achieve said bonus, you have to hit 95% of your bottom line plan for the year. We'd had only worked at our current facility for under seven months at years end but we still only reached 93% of the year's goal. To boot, we took over a property that was spiraling downward and in the six months since we started, we beat the prior six months by a whooping 22%. So the fact we ended up the year only missing the plan by 7 points is quite an accomplishment, but alas, not good enough. Oh well. It'll give us something to shoot for in '07.

Well, it's back to the grindstone tomorrow. As I've said before, our property is the beta testing for a pilot program to integrate tee sheets with a Point Of Sale system. If we can impress the company and prove it's a good move, the rest of the company will follow suit. Now that is super cool. The GM and I are headed up to the Corporate Offices tomorrow to meet our new RD as well as trying the new program out before we go live next week (which could be the longest week of my life.)

'Til Tuesday

Of course it rains on my day off!

So not only did it put somewhat of a damper (no pun intended) on the morning but the one day I'm not at work, it's slow.

And I'm one of the few people who love the rain! I may have to rethink my position on it now.

Incredible.

Then again, it only was raining early this morning. I still got all my chores and errands done, was able to stroll down 2nd Street and still ran tonight.

And speaking of my evening exercise, I noticed two things:

1) I purchased Breathe Right strips earlier today to help with my breathing when I run. So the great news is I'm breathing easier. Bad news is I'm fully aware now of my funk when I run.

2) For the holidays, I was given a Nike Dri-Fit long sleeve shirt. Let me tell you, it does wonders. It's amazing how even our clothing has been improved through technology. But hear me this Phil Knight, Under Armour and any other clothing company; I've got one problem with your active performance wear: Nipple chafing. And I'm not about to go out and start purchasing these. (Sidenote: Dear God, man. If you start bleeding from the nipples, STOP RUNNING!) So for me and other men who suffer from this horrible affliction, please see what you can do to help. Thank you.

Horse and Hound

For cryin' out loud, can we please stop with all the Barbaro's stories?

Okay, I'll be the very first one to admit that I got choked up during Barbaro's injury at the Preakness. I hardly call myself a horse racing fan, but I watch every Triple Crown race because I think the race, the history and the build up are fantastic drama. After Barbaro dominated in the Kentucky Derby, I looked forward to watching his next race and what seemed like inevitable history. I was caught up in the moment with the rest of the country.

But enough is enough. He's a horse for God's sake. (And no, Adam, horses are NOT fantastic athletes.) I may be wrong, but I seriously think there has been more attention towards Barbaro's death than there was for Gerald Ford's.

It's a horse, people. He'll be Elmer's and Alpo within a month.

The only tear I'm shedding is the fact the poor guy never got to go out to stud.

* * * * *

On the topic of horse racing, I wonder how important each part of the "team" is to winning a race.

My personal guess is 60% is the horse itself, 25% is the trainer and 15% is the jockey.

On the other hand, when it comes to auto racing, the spread is more like 50% driver, 35% car and 15% pit crew.

* * * * *

During work, I was in the restaurant and one of the waitresses pointed out to me one of the tables. Sitting there were two high schoolers, a boy and a girl who were so young and small that they had to have been freshmen. They were sharing a big plate of fries, sort of a modern scene from "Lady and The Tramp."

The waitress told me "Aww, look at that. Puppy love."

Puppy love? People use that term to describe a love that is innocent and starry-eyed. Sorry for bursting your bubble, but have you ever really watched puppies? It's more of a hump-anything-until-you're-satisfied kind of love, which, hey, in many cases is a more appropriate metaphor than the former, right?

* * * * *

People don't play board games enough, especially in public.

People who play chess on street corners or in parks should get some sort of tax break in my opinion. They're doing their part!

Are you?

* * * * *

Lyrics of the Week:

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

-Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize?"

MONSTER TRUCKS!

Went to Monster Jam last night with friends. Trucker hats, Pabst Blue Ribbon and Grave Digger. Really, does it get any better than that?




Okay, it probably does but we had fun. Photos to come.

NOT my kind of town, Chicago is...

As if I didn't need more reason to root for Petyon and the Colts next weekend:

Stay classy, Chicago.

* * * * *

What's the deal-io on girls and their photo mosaics on refrigerators?

And what's the deal with the majority of the photos they have period? Is it just me or are 99% of their photos (and it's 100% of the ones on fridges)they are holding up alcoholic drinks to the camera and they have their faces are all pressed up against each other?

I know why, too. That's to prove that they were partying. "Hey, look at us! We party! College/Europe/Bachelorette Party was so fun!"

Am I wrong?

* * * * *

Why didn't I think of this first?

Working For The Weekend

Put the standard forty work hours in.

However, I accomplished it in only the past three days!

7:30 AM to 7 PM on Wednesday, 7 AM to 8 PM yesterday, and 7 AM to 8:30 PM today. That's thirty-eight hours, between you and me.

Today was my final day as "Acting GM" and it ended with quite a bang. A $20K event went off without a hitch. In fact, it was one of the smoothest events to go on since I've started the job. All those involved had a lot of praise for me and I owe a lot of it to my staff, who rocked.

The icing on the cake was the chance to hang out with some Major League and Minor League Baseball players. It's pretty sweet when a Major League pitcher asks for your cell number and invites you to watch the Super Bowl at his place.

Ridin' Dirty

Washed the car the other day and I'm convinced the Clear Coat Protectant cycle at the self-serve car wash is a scam. It's pretty genius, I admit it.

They put it at the end of the wash, so you have to put enough money in initially to make sure you have enough credits to get to it. Once you get to it, it's no coincidence that this cycle is the one that takes the longest. The water pressure is so weak, you spend most of your time trying to cover your vehicle in this alleged miracle solution. Then here's the kicker. The cycle before the Clear Coat is a rinse, to remove the superfluous soap. Once you pump in a few quarters for the Clear Coat, you are forced to rinse again! And this is no normal rinse. This is the special "Spot Free Rinse," which is just another punch to the gut.

Spot Free, my ass.

* * * * *

Speaking of cars, I had the TV on tonight in the background and heard my favorite actor, Kevin Spacey. I made my attention to the screen, only to discover he's the voice behind a Honda commercial.

I don't like it one bit. Kevin, you're better than that!

* * * * *

Last night I made huge strides (no pun intended) in my exercising. I ran non-stop for the longest distance in my adult life: 2.5 miles. Part of it is due to my improving conditioning.

The other part is due to my outlook on life. My motivation. My improved self-esteem.

Call it what you will, but I didn't think once of stopping until I reached my destination. A few times I thought to myself "Wow, I'm still running and it's been a while!" It's pretty cool!

Of course one of the side affects was that I think I suffered from lactic acidosis when I did stop running. ("Chest pains?" "Yes." "Shortness of breath?" "Yes." "Fatigue?" "Of course.")

Seriously though, it was a good pain. The sort of pain you quickly get over once you realize what you've accomplished.

13 hour day...

Need sleepy.

Question: How do you fall asleep?

Do you read a book or magazine? Watch the tele until you can't stand it anymore? Maybe you listen to music or the radio? If so, what kind? Or are you the type that just puts your head on the pillow and eventually falls asleep in the quiet and dark?

Inquiring minds want to know.

State of the Blog Address

One bad thing about coming home every night after 6 PM and having a healthier lifestyle is that I rarely get the chance to bust out my amateur culinary skills. I used to love to whip stuff up on a whim or try a new recipe I read about. I need to make enough money so I can have a cook and sushi chef on staff at all times.

* * * * *

On the topic of cooking, this I know is true:

Cooking for one sucks.

* * * * *

Passed up the opportunity to go to Hooters tonight for all-you-can-eat-wings. Twelve months ago I would have brought that place to its knees and would have created a mini-recession in the availability of wings in the Western Hemisphere.

Now I laugh off the offer, come home and have a salad then run for 45 minutes.

I like the new me.

* * * * *

A friend relayed to me an epiphany he had today during your typical 30 degree Wisconsin afternoon:

"People always say that giving birth is evidence that women can withstand pain better than men, but that **pointing to a girl in a short skirt and tall boots** is a much better example. And I thank God for giving women the gift to do both."

Josh, you are wise beyond your years.

Scenes From a Conference Call

Day One as "Acting GM" went rather well . . . Mondays are always the busiest administrative-wise, with payroll, closing the books on the previous week, financial forecasts and conference calls all scheduled, plus ordering any merch from the weekend and returning messages. Add in the fact that I had to open up and put in some counter time and it was quite a day.

During the conference call (the second of two for the day), each GM was going over the financials from the forecast. When it got to my turn, it went something like this:

Regional GM: "Joe?"

Me: "Revenue will be $8500 over plan, but that's conservative. I think we can blow that number away. Of that, we'll bring $780 to the bottom line."

Regional GM: "Why only $800?"

Me: "Well, we were hit with the lease line for the regional scarifier and that wasn't budgeted for, plus the water bill is $4000 over plan and we crushed our catering plan in December so the DOC's commission is over as well. I think we can bring $1500 towards EBITDAR by month's end though. It'll just take some smart saving in our departments."

Regional GM: "Wow. That's what I like to hear. And man, Joe, that's great. An Assistant GM who knows the numbers. I love it."

THAT'S how I roll. Of course, now I have to back it up!

Who's The Boss?

My GM is going to be out of the office all week, attending seminars at the corporate offices.

Guess who's running the show this week, baby?

Of course, this is nothing new. I was basically acting-GM for a week stretch during my first month with the company when my boss was out of the state attending a family wedding.

It's a busy stretch of the month right now too, so it's a great chance to impress the Regional Director and the other GMs in the area.

* * * * *

February 7. New 'Lost'.

Oh snap.

* * * * *

Went kayaking over the weekend and made a pretty keen observation.

At one point on the water, there was a large flock of some water fowl, bobbing along. As I would get closer, three or four would take off, flying so low to the water that their wings flapped on the water. They flew only 50 feet away, just far enough so that I was no longer a threat. These first groups of birds flew away and made a cry.

Then I got closer to more of them and again, the same ritual. With the EXACT same bird call.

Again, I paddled and more birds flew, following the same flight and making the same noise.

Now I'm 100% convinced that these birds either can't communicate at all and just make some noise or all the birds were doing a dead-on impersonation of that first bird that moved out of my path.

Either way, it was rather interesting to watch.

* * * * *

Way to go, Peyton!!

* * * * *

Lyrics of the Week:

7 am
The garbage truck
Beeps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about
What Ive thrown away
Could I push rewind?
All the credits strewn
In signifying the end
But I missed the best part
Could we please go back
To the start?

-Incubus, "11 am"

Luuuuuuuc

Wow. What an awesome night (regardless of the score.)

"Commitment to excrement"

Don't have much to say tonight, but I do have a rather funny joke that I heard today.

I dedicate this to those in Raider Nation:

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders, the only thing missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene and in one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself.

"He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football ....... and sure enough the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the Coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us."

"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts. "at this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get assaulted!"

The old lady pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland."

Fight on!

Watched bits and pieces of the USC basketball game tonight and all of the last four minutes. Damn it, that was a great win!

The snowball is rolling and fast. If the Trojans can put together two straight trips to the Big Dance and win a game or two, they have all the makings of a perennial Top 25 team.

* * * * *

Call me immature or easily amused, but the Kelis' "Milkshake" Carl's Jr. commercial still cracks me up.

* * * * *

Got to use my new iPod shuffle for the first time tonight during my run (thanks Adam, John and Kory!!) I can't believe I went this long without this amazing technology. I think I ran about 10 miles per hour faster. Okay, maybe not, but it sure felt like it.

Lay off me, I'm starving!!

Checked the referrals for my blog and saw I had two interesting visits. One was from someone who Googled "compton jury duty." Go figure.

The other was someone in Sweden who stumbled upon visited my blog today. I've also received a visit from the UK and Canada as well. The Year of Joe has gone international, folks.

* * * * *

Stepped on the scale this morning and calculated that I'm back over the "50 pounds lost" plateau.

I'm droppin' it like it's hot.

* * * * *

Poll time!

Greatest karaoke song ever:

a) Bon Jovi, "Livin' On A Prayer"
b) Def Leppard, "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
c) Neil Diamond, "Sweet Caroline"
d) Steve Miller Band, "The Joker"
e) None of the above (please provide answer)

* * * * *

Spent most of the day today in Huntington Beach at a regional sales meeting. Got to know more about some of the GMs in the region during the conference and luncheon, as well as went over the expectations our Regional Director has for us in 2007. I was the only Assistant GM in attendance, so that's pretty cool.

Poker? I don't even know her!

Well, the Trial of the Century actually only lasted two days.

I'm done with jury duty as we learned today (after two hours of waiting in the hall) that the case will never reach trial and I'm about $20 richer for it (jury duty pays $15 per day starting on the second day, plus $0.34 per mile one way.)

Whenever people would complain about having to be on jury duty, I always shook my head for the selfishness these people displayed.

Now that I've served jury duty, I totally understand why these people have such ill-will towards jury duty.

I mean, I consider myself very patriotic, civicly-minded (just made up that word), and I cherish my rights and liberties afforded to me by this great country. But it's very easy to get wrapped up in the enigma of jury duty when it involves long hours, long commutes and missing work.

That said, one day I may need a jury to save me or put someone away that hurt me or a loved one and I hope that jury will be 100% committed to the job they are handed. And if I ever make it onto a jury that reaches trial, I will give 100% to uphold justice.

* * * * *

Played in my somewhat-monthly Hold 'Em game tonight and just like aways, I made it home with more than I showed up with. I'm nowhere near professional poker level, partly because a) I don't have a bankroll to back me and b) I'm way too conservative. But it's this conservative play that always keeps me in the black, especially at home games like these.

Mathematics, odds, psychology, chance . . . poker is such a great game.

* * * * *

I checked out some apartments today. I'm really looking forward to moving out. Hopefully I won't be in a 10' x 10' crawl space with a Murphy bed, bad plumbing, and soiled carpet.

* * * * *

I'm totally not a morning person, but when I'm up early (or out late), the smell of the cold air is just fantastic. It's clean, it's sharp, it's refreshing and I experienced it tonight when I was running along the water. The best I can describe it is "the stinging smell of cold" (not to be confused with "the stinking smell of my shoes" after I run.)

If I was a musician or a novelist, the line "the stinging smell of cold" would be a lyric or a descriptive passage. I love it that much.

Move over Larry Johnson

Saw two rather interesting links today on Yahoo!'s homepage under "In the News."

The first story was how "Dinosaurs, humans coexist in U.S. creation museum". Now, you throw me the topic of creationism and I just get all giddy. The article didn't leave me disappointed.

The $27 million project, which also includes a planetarium, a special-effects theater, nature trails and a small lake, is privately funded by people who believe the Bible's first book, Genesis, is literally true.

For them, a museum showing Christian schoolchildren and skeptics alike how the earth, animals, dinosaurs and humans were created in a six-day period about 6,000 years ago -- not over millions of years, as evolutionary science says -- is long overdue.

To borrow from comedian Lewis Black, "They are crazy. I can't be kind about this because these people are watching The Flintstones as if it were a documentary!"

"I think it shows (nonbelievers) the other side of things," said Carolyn Manto, 27, pausing in her work painting Ice Age figures for a display about caves in France.

"I don't think it's going to be forcing any viewpoint on them, but challenging them to think critically about their evolutionary views," said Manto, who studied classical sculpture before joining the museum.

"Think critically"? Are you serious? Creationism is one of many examples how some religious people just turn their minds off because they need to have "faith." If you believe in a God -- and trust me on this one -- he gave you a brain because he wants you to use it. There is no lack of faith implied just because you think. Thinking is not evil, people.

The second just-as-funny article simply read "More senior women stay fit playing hoops". Much to my delight, there was a photograph attached to the story.

The woman with the ball is Phyllis Huxfore, 78, of Des Moines, Iowa. I give her props for the throwback high socks -- although is it really throwback for her? -- but if I was a betting man, I'd say she's dead in the water by the looks of that back-court trap. She's a turnover waiting to happen.

If I'm ever in Des Moines, I'm looking up the ballin' grannies. I could take 'em. Maybe.

But seriously, the article is worth the read. Kinda cool what these blue hairs are doing.

Rough weekend

Man, it was a rough weekend.

First, my USC Trojans lost a nail-biter to the rival UCLA Bruins in basketball on Saturday. USC came out fired up by the home crowd and led most of the game, only to play sloppy late and lose it at the end in heartbreaking fashion.

Then today, my San Diego Chargers lost a nail-biter to the soon-to-be rival New England Patriots. The Chargers came out fired up by the home crowd and led most of the game, only to play sloppy late and lose it in the end in heartbreaking fashion.

Sense a pattern here?

Mix in the fact that I had to be at work at 5:00 AM this morning and that I have a pair of brutally chapped lips, and I assure you this weekend will not be fondly remembered.

* * * * *

Saw a friend from high school at work this weekend that I've maybe seen three or four times in the past 8 years or so. We chatted for a while and exchanged emails. I love running into old friends or people from the past. I've gotten caught up with several old high school classmates thanks to MySpace.

Later this year is my ten-year reunion. Some people I know have no interest at all in attending. I don't know why. I can't wait to see old faces.

Oh, by the way, last I heard, I was among the "missing" the last time a reunion mailer was sent out. If any of you have any contact information so I can be "found," send it on over!

* * * * *

This week's Lyrics of the Week comes with a little commentary (sing along if you know it . . .):

I was a little too tall
Could've used a few pounds
Tight pants points hardly reknown
(Great, descriptive start)
She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes
(My kind of woman!)
And points all her own sitting way up high
Way up firm and high
(Sort of dirty, yet oddly funny)

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy
(He knows his audience and they all can relate)
Workin' on mysteries without any clues
(Maybe my favorite single line of the song)
Workin' on our night moves
Tryin' to make some front page drive-in news
(Another great line)
Workin' on our night moves
In the summertime
In the sweet summertime

We weren't in love, oh no, far from it
We weren't searchin for some pie in the sky summit
We were just young and restless and bored
(Hey, at least he's honest)
Livin' by the sword
And we'd steal away every chance we could
To the backroom, to the alley or the trusty woods
I used her, she used me
But neither one cared
We were gettin' our share
(Ha!! You gotta love it)
Workin' on our night moves
Tryin' to lose the awkward teenage blues
(We've ALL been there!)
Workin' on our night moves
And it was summertime

And oh the wonder
We felt the lightning
And we waited on the thunder
Waited on the thunder

I awoke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered
Started humming a song from 1962
Ain't it funny how the night moves
(Love how he changes the meaning of "night moves")
When you just don't seem to have as much to lose
Strange how the night moves
With autumn closing in

-Bob Seger, "Night Moves"

Water blogged

Open for discussion: Are you faithful to bottled water companies? If so, why? Is there REALLY a difference between Arrowhead, Dasani, Aquafina, etc.? I'd love to hear what water is your favorite and why.

Murder was the case that they gave me

Attempted murder, actually.

Spent half of my day in the beautiful city of Compton on jury duty.

And guess who gets to go back on Tuesday -- their only day off, mind you -- to continue jury duty?

ME!!

More to continue . . .

Saving Silverman

Man, are you as excited for Stomp the Yard as I am?

I mean, I can't believe I'm actually going to work today instead of camping out at the theater to be there for the first showing. ('Cuz you know that shit's gonna sell out!)

I wonder if the working title was You Got Served: The College Years. By the way, if you never saw You Got Served, you must Netflix this gem. This movie is a 10-out-of-10 on the unintentional comedy scale.

For example, two characters makes extra money serving as a carriers for some local crime kingpin. What he carries, we don't know. Is it drugs? Money? Stolen Girl Scout cookies? We never know, much like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. One fails to go on a carrier run, instead spending the day with the others' hot sister. So the other one does go on a run and is ambushed and jumped.

Cut to said character in the hospital all banged up. Because he's hurt and because his former homeboy was busy getting busy with his sister, he vows never to dance along side his friend. As you can imagine, this riff is the backbone of the film.

Well, at the end, both friends are involved in a dance showcase, but -- get this! -- they are against each other (yes, the tension can be cut with a knife.) Before the big dance-off though, the guy must rehab and get back into dancing shape. What follows is a classic high school film class-level montage of both dance crews practicing breakin' and poppin' and lockin'. The highlight is when once character for some reason practices dancing in the rain. Seriously.

You don't believe me?

Like I said, it's a GREAT flick.

Stomp the Yard has a lot to live up to, I'll tell you that.

* * * * *

Someone in yesterday's comments questioned my affection for Sarah Silverman.

First off, I think she's adorable as hell.


Extremely cute. Girl-next-door sexy. Am I wrong?

I know I previously said that I don't have a type, but I seem to favor girls with fair skin, dark hair and above-average height. I'm just gravitated towards girls who look like Sarah Silverman.

Secondly, she's got that great tom-boy, potty-mouth, burp-and-fart personality that only works for certain people.

I want a girl who:

• will drop an "f-bomb" every now and then.
• right in the middle of spooning, with start a random pillow fight and kick my ass once in while.
• isn't high maintenance.
• is as funny and witty as I am.

Miss Silverman meets all four requirements.

Lastly, any girl who is willing to date Jimmy Kimmel just might dig a guy like me. That's got to be worth something, right??

Super Model of Excellence

Gisele Bundchen: Hottest woman alive or hottest woman ever?


Note to Sarah Silverman and Elizabeth Hurley: Please don't be jealous. There's plenty of love to go around.

Wet Dreams

Usually I fall asleep listening to AM sports talk but while fooling around with my radio, I found out it had the feature were you could play nature sounds, if one so desired. Well, I've always loved the sound of the ocean early in the morning or late at night and low and behold, the subtle sound of crashing waves and chirping seagulls was an option on my radio. I set this sound to play for 60 minutes while I tried to fall asleep.

I woke up this morning with a water-logged ear canal.

No lie.

Gator done!!

Watching the BCS Championship Game and I've come to several conclusions:

• Chris Leak finally showed why he was the player I picked to win the Heisman back in 2004.
• Urban Meyer is a great coach. Probably the 2nd best coach in college football right now. (And no, Mike, Charlie Weis is not #1.)
• Jim Tressel will never have my respect as long as he still wears that ridiculous outfit.
• The only reason Ohio St. gets great recruits is because of the stickers of ganja on the sides of the Buckeye helmets.

* * * * *

Hat tip to Cody who pointed out this passage in "The End of Faith," the current selection listed under "WHAT I'M READING":

"The belief that certain books were written by God (who, for reasons difficult to fathom, make Shakespeare a far better writer than himself) leaves us powerless to address the most potent source of human conflict, past and present."

Ha! I love it!

* * * * *

An all-new 'House' tomorrow! All is wonderful with the world!

* * * * *

I'll leave you with this stumper:

ONE: You know how when you are growing up, what you want to be changes almost by the minute? At one point -- and I believe it was around 7th grade -- I wanted to be an architect. I'm willing to bet that 50% of boys said they wanted to be an architect at one time or another.

TWO: Now consider that almost every other male character in film seems to be an architect. Is it because carrying blueprints makes for a great prop? I don't know the reasoning behind it, but I just know there seems to be a lot of architects in movies.

Now given those two points, why oh why have I never once met an architect in my life?

Hair fetishes and other random thoughts

What's the deal with pigtails and braids that drive me crazy?

Not crazy as in take a hammer to my thumb crazy. More like Fine Young Cannibals "She Drives Me Crazy" crazy.

Trust me, ladies. It's a good thing. Keep doin' that thing you do.

* * * * *

Whenever I go running in the morning (and we are talking about 5:00 AM in the morning), what's the deal with all the people out walking their dogs that early?

Are they out that early because they happen to be up and now it'd be a good time to get the dog some exercise/bathroom time? Or are they out that early because their dogs make them get up for exercise/bathroom time? As a non-dog owner, I just don't get it.

Then again, those people could very well by blogging "What's the deal with all the people running at 5:00 AM?"

* * * * *

On the topic of dogs, is there any doubt that a basset hound is the perfect fit for me?

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Was told a funny joke today by one of the old guys at work:

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that is red and has thorns?"

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes," the first man said. He turned to the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Straight Trippin'

File this under "You Know You Work Too Much When. . ."

I was out of the office for two days in a row last week and people having been asking me "Did you go on vacation?"

No, I didn't. I took two days off. You know, like a weekend?

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One of my least favorite phrases has finally jumped the shark.

The phrase?

"Jumped the shark".

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Whenever I go to Starbucks, I never give my real name. Is that weird?

The name I falsely give 99% of the time is "Tripp, with two P's." I got the name from the character Trip Fontaine from "The Virgin Suicides." The best part of the name Tripp -- other than that it's rare and quirky -- is that I always tell them my name is Tripp, pause while they scribble it down on the cup, then add "with two P's" and amusingly, they always grab the cup and add the second P, as if it made a difference. Why the two P's? 'Cuz Tripp is even more rare and quirkier than Trip.

Now that I know is weird.

It just sounds better than "a Humberto Salad"

So I'm sittin' here, eating a Caesar Salad for dinner and a I thought of a little bit of culinary trivia I thought I'd like to share with y'all.

Did you know that the Caesar Salad was not named after Julius Caesar? I always associated the salad with some tribute to the Roman ruler. In fact the extremely popular salad was named after the man who created the salad: Caesar Cardini.

Cardini was a hotel chef in Tijuana, Mexico and rumor has it that one night, sometime during the 20s, he was short of supplies in the kitchen and had a dining room full of hungry Hollywood actors. Cardini throw together some lettuce and chicken and created a makeshift dressing with coddled eggs, lemon juice, olive oil and Worchestershire sauce. History was made!

Now aren't you really glad you started reading my blog?

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In my blog "mission statement" (as well as my introduction yesterday), I mention that I'm "looking for love." My buddy John pointed out in the comments section yesterday that "they say looking for love is the surest way not to find it."

I cannot agree with this more.

However, while I'm not actually "looking for love," it sounds a lot better than "waiting for a girl to sweep me off my feet and make sweet, sweet love to". I'm not "looking" per say, but you can bet your ass that I'm eagerly awaiting.

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That said, why do I fall in love with almost every member of the female species I come in contact with?

Is it because I'm desperate? Perhaps just plain ol' horny?

Honestly, I think it's because I don't have a type. I've been with young(er) and old(er), the Party Girl and the Book Worm, etc. I appreciate women and I think I just see the best that's in all of them.

Although "horny" is a very, very close second.

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Lyric of the Week:

Now you caught me heart for the evening
Kissed my cheek, moved in, you confuse things
Should I just sit out or come harder?
Help me find my way

-A Tribe Called Quest, "Help Me Find My Way"

Note: Lyric of the Week will be posted because maybe I heard the song and the lines struck a chord. Or maybe it's a cryptic message with some deep meaning. Or maybe the lyrics keep running through my mind. Or perhaps they relate to something that happened that day.

I'll let you be the judge.

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Like I said yesterday, the visual format of this blog will vary a lot until I'm happy with the look and functionality with it. In addition to an archive and some links to blogs that some of my friends write (and I insist you check them out. . .it's quality work.), you'll also notice I've added the uber-cool "WHAT I'M LISTENING TO" and "WHAT I'M READING" boxes. The music will change a few times a week while the book will remain up until I'm done with it (and I'll likely review it on this blog). Not that any of you care, but hey, it's my fucking blog and I'll do whatever I damn well please.

Lastly, I've also included a "Fat-O-Meter" (ripped right off from Aaron Gleeman's blog), showing the progress of my diet that I started last year. At one point in November, I had lost over 50 pounds, but the combination of long work hours, Thanksgiving and Christmas treats, and some recent Newcastle and Guinness consuming, I've seemed to put a couple lbs back on.

So enough is enough. In fact, as soon as I post this, I'm hitting the hay so I can get up early and run. If you ever want to exercise early in the morning or late in the afternoon, you'll be able to find me:

• riding my bike along Ocean Boulevard, from Bayshore Drive to the Long Beach Art Museum.
• jogging (I believe it's a soft "j") the same route.
• power walking (without the arm pump and hip shake, although with my figure, I really don't have a choice) on Second Street and through Belmont Shore.
• kayaking through the Naples canals.

I'm serious. . . if any of you are down, hit me up and we'll do the damn thing!

The Year of Joe

Well, it looks like the cat is out of the bag. It's official: I'm bloggin' again.

I was going to unveil this baby over the weekend when I was happy with the layout and had some sufficient material but alas, it seems that this information was leaked (I think it was a drunk me who spoke of my grand return to the blogosphere during New Year's night.) I'll be tweaking the layout of functionality of this blog for the next few days but have no fear, I'll still be posting everyday (which is my goal.)

I hope I can keep all you faithful readers entertained during what I am calling The Year of Joe. I invite all of you to join along while I search for a pay raise, a new apartment and a lady friend, among other things. I'm also in the process of getting a new car (how I came to this worth re-telling in a future post) and working on shrinking my waistline. As you can see, I've got a shit load on my plate this year, but I plan to make it all come to fruition, come hell or high water.

Bowled Over

Right now I'm watching the Sugar Bowl between Notre Dame and LSU. How disappointed is Charlie Weis going to be when he finds out they aren't actually playing for a bowl of sugar?

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Whenever I wear dark socks to work, they fall down on my left ankle.

White socks when I run? No problem staying up.

I think my left ankle is racist.

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I can't wait for the new episodes of 'House' and 'Lost'!

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I saw an advertisement for Casual Male today. Isn't that just a nice way of calling someone a Lazy Boy?

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I'm headed off to the Corporate Office tomorrow. First chance to rub elbows with all the company big shots. Holla!

And I didn't even have to use my AK...

36 holes of golf (with five birdies and an eagle mixed within all the bogeys.) Good dinner. Spent time with Dad, Uncle and Cousin. Watched some college football.

Damn, how I do cherish my day off. Today was a good day.

Happy New Year! (also known as Post #1)

The duality of New Year's parties and New Year's resolutions makes no sense.

It's the first day of a new year. Everyone makes resolutions and try to start the new year on a clean slate. Clean slate? I started the new year on the floor, half-naked with dried salsa on my Cole Haans and my face in a cold pool of my own spit (thanks to a buddy's girlfriend for letting me borrow her pillow, by the way) . . . what kind of new start is that?

If I knew it was going to be that kind of party, I would have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes!